When does the Healing Start?
Domestic Abuse is by far one of the hardest things I have had to endure in my life. The sheer pain of being hit on and tormented nearly everyday was too much for me. Sometimes I thought it was better to die then to keep living like that. When I finally did leave it was the best thing that I ever did. I was free. I was free but yet I was still tormented. In my head many things rang through my thoughts. 1. Why me? 2. Why didn't I leave sooner? 3. Did I do something wrong?.
Although I had left and I was safe my thoughts continued to haunt me. I often asked myself which was worse the verbal abuse or the physical abuse. I can say now that the verbal abuse was a little bit more harmful. Physical wounds heal, there's casts for broken body parts, but mentally how to you regain control of yourself?
The Steps I took to heal may be way different from anyone else but it has helped me.
1. I Ran Away
Ok so I escaped. I ran away I went to my parents and never talked to my abuser again. This without saying is the first step anyway. Mentally though I figured if I left and got away from it all and he wasn't around that it would clear out of my head. Did it work. NOPE sure didn't. So I tried Step 2.
2. I tried to occupy my time.
I tried to make myself so busy that I wouldn't think about the abuse. I worked non stop, enrolled in school and I had my daughter so I drowned myself in these things. When I went to bed at night though the thoughts, feelings and emotions came right on back. So I tried Step 3.
3. I drank, heavily
OK so you already know that THIS was definitely NOT the way to go but for me at the time it worked. Exceeepptttt when I wasn't drunk and I became hungover. On top of that alcohol is a depressant so it ended up making me feel 10 times worse
As you can see from these steps I presented THESE ARE NOT THE WAY TO GO but these are what I tried. Eventually I got the proper help and care I need it and healed properly. The next steps I'm going to show you are the proper ways to heal. Is it magic, HECK NO, will it help YES. You however will need to make a mighty effort to want to heal. It is too easy to fall back into the deep dark hole from which you came. I have done it numerous times. Read below , focus, and lets get you healed and mentally back on track! DISCLAIMER: It took me 14 years to heal because I was stubborn, everything takes time but START MOVING FORWARD AND DO NOT STOP!
STEP 1: CUT OF YOUR ABUSER ENTIRELY
You cannot heal from abuse if the abuser is still in your life. Cut him/her off do not communicate with them. They will make many attempts to win you back and even guilt you into coming back. DONT DO IT! This is your time. If the abuser is a parent then step away from a while and try to get other family members to do the communication for you. At least this way you are still taking time for yourself and not hindering the relationship with his/her children.
STEP 2: POSITIVE SELF TALK
Your abuser has used verbal abuse to tear you down daily. You need to rebuild your self esteem and confidence back up. Everyday in the mirror look at yourself and state 3 things about yourself that you love! Do this when you wake up and when you go to bed at night. Another thing when you start feeling negative about yourself DONT LET YOUR MIND GET YOU! Stop the negative thought IN ITS TRACKS and come back with a positive thought.
STEP 3: GET A POSITIVE HOBBY
Do something that you once have loved to do and get back to it! Sew, Crochet, Workout, Watch Reality TV. Do whatever you enjoy and enjoy it. You need to get back to you and what you love.
STEP 4: FIND A SUPPORT SYSTEM
I get it counseling isn't for everyone. It definitely was not for me. It took me forever to get a counselor and when I finally gave in it WAS ONLY because my counselor had experienced domestic abuse for herself! If you want to try counseling it is best to. If not confide in someone that you trust that will support comfort you and be there for you without judgement.
STEP 5: SEEK OUT A SUPPORT GROUP
At first a support group may seem a little scary but believe it or not it is the best thing for you. Being around others that know where you have been and what you are going through is support within itself. When you talk they know because they have been there! You will feel comfortable sharing and the more you share the faster you will heal.
STEP 6: SPIRITUAL SUPPORT
Whatever higher power you believe in utilize it. Pray and speak to God or your higher power. Seek peace, seek love, seek guidance or just talk. I am a Christian and for me what helped was reading scriptures on how much God loves me, seeing what I meant to Him, learning what real love is from God etc. Look for love in God
These are just a few ways that can help with your healing process. Each of us have our own methods of getting over things. Domestic Abuse is not the norm. and healing from it will be something new and different for you. I invite you to try these steps out to at least get the ball rolling. Once start finding yourself again I gaurentee you will not want to stop there!
Good Luck on your Journey!
If you have are a survivor of Domestic Abuse please comment what steps you have used to heal!
