Experiencing Anger
What is Anger?
Anger is defined as an intense emotional response that involves a strong uncomfortable feeling to a perceived provocation, hurt or threat. These emotions can be built up or can come on suddenly. Normally it comes on slowly. Normally it takes a minute for someone to build up anger.
For me I was never an angry person. I began to be angry when I held onto words that I wouldn't or couldn't say. Things that would float on in my head that I didn't want to speak on. My intent was to never hurt anyone's feelings yet I realized that I was saving theirs while hurting mine and becoming angry. When I finally stopped trapping my words and speaking I was told that I was an ANGRY PERSON. In my mind I was thinking 'this is what you wanted though! you pushed me". Yes sad but true.
Anger can stir from different events. Personal space violation, moral testing, silent voices, emotional agony, misguided hurt, and the list goes on and on. Anger is never a good thing. It is said that an angry person has a shortened life span. Anger leads to stress and as we have been told many times stress kills. Raise your hand if you want to die early! I know I don't! So who do we resolve these anger issues and make ourselves more presentable and friendly. Most importantly how do we control our anger so that we can live long fulfilling lives? Keep Reading:
How to Manage your Anger / Stop being Angry
Here are 10 steps listed below as referenced from the Mayo Clinic: (http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/anger-management/art-20045434)
1. Think before you speak: This is not easy for me I have diarrhea of the mouth. Thinking before you speak helps you to evaluate inside of your head the things you want to say without saying them harshly or without thinking. If you find yourself in a heated situation just take a breathe and invite others to do the same and revisit the conversation at a later time.
2. Once your calm, express yourself: Express yourself in an assertive way but don't try and come off as confrontational and they let others speak and get their point across. As hard as it will be restrain yourself and keep your mouth closed until they are done speaking and its your turn. This way you will not have a full blown argument on your hands. Also don't try and change the other persons mind. Let them have their opinions and you have yours. Agree to disagree.
3.Get some Exercise: Its proven that exercise reduces stress and their are chemicals in your brain that says hey she's/ he's exercising lets cheer up! (I don't know the actual names for these chemicals but it's true believe me)
4. Take a Timeout: Give yourself a break! Put yourself on timeout until you are calm and can express yourself correctly.
5. ID possible solutions: Figure out what the ACTUAL problem is and write down possible solutions to fix the problem. Remind yourself that being anger does nothing for you but stress you out.
6. Use I statements: Most arguments stem from people pointing fingers and feeling like they are being blamed for something. If you are using I statements they are less likely to feel like you are pointing the finger at them and that you are addressing an issue that is dealing with you. They also will not be on the defensive because you are talking about yourself and how you feel about the issue at hand
7. Don't Hold Grudges: Forgiveness is the best thing you can do for yourself. Forgiveness is FOR YOU. I didn't believe this until I had an issue I was mad about for the longest time. I had a friend tell me "Your getting mad and still mad while that person is out drinking a latte and reading a book" They were so right. I was all upset when this fool wasn't even thinking twice about me. Why not forgive? You don't have to be the best of friends but who likes unresolved conflicts to be lingering?
8. Be funny: Humor helps us in so many ways it releases a lot of temper and takes the edge off. Maybe this is why in todays society the use of "LOL' is overused. People can insult you play jokes on you and then say LOL and you think they are just playing and all of a sudden its NOT that big of a deal. I wouldn't , however, joke during a tense time let things cool off a little. LOL
9. Practice Relaxation: Deep breathing has been my go to! It helps so much. Yoga does as well any of these techniques release tension and puts your mind in an amazing state of peace
10. Know when you ACUTALLY have a deep seated problem and need help! : If non of these techniques work or you don't even want to bother seek a counselor to find out why you are always angry. They may pull up somethings from your past that you have never dealt with before
These techniques have helped me dramatically. Dealing with abuse was hard enough but dealing with my anger was worse! You can do it trust me! Nothing is worth stressing yourself out over and facing death earlier then you want to!
Hope this article has helped!
